All Days in a Summer
by faxamianpuckabrinacass-yoji
Summary: Take Dr. Martinez's beach house. Add the flock, subtract the worries, divide the fights, and multiply the fun!
1. The crew

**I have decided that I write waaaay to many shuffle challenges thingies. So, I am now writing an official story. Oh, Clementine, what have you gotten yourself into. I like writing long authors notes. It makes me feel special. But nobody likes reading them. So, I'll just skip and do the disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: If you changed the "C" to a "J" and the "L" to an "A" (hey that rhymed! I'm a poet and I never even knew it. Well that blew it. Hey, I rhymed again!), and got rid of the first "E" and changed the "N" to an "S" and took away the "tine", then my name would be James, and then I might own the series. But it's not, so I don't. **

"Maaaax!" Nudge screamed from downstairs. Putting my hands over my ears, I flew downstairs. Oh, did you think I meant "ran down there as fast as hell?" No. I meant literally flew. Did I mention I have wings? Well, I did now.

"What is it, Nud-" I started, then stopped. It wasn't Nudge standing down there. It was Iggy, the blind pyro, and Gazzy, the Gasman. Both were cracking up. I sighed. "Gazzy," I groaned, "It was only funny the first time." Gazzy is good at mimicry. Very good at mimicry. It's one of his powers. He could mimic anything, and it wasn't unlikely to see me beating up Fang or Iggy for something Gazzy said.

Oh, look. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. And Fang, by all means, could be the devil. A black devil. He dressed in all black, all the time. Like, one time, I saw him wearing navy blue, and I almost passed out from shock. Fang also never talked, and if he was laughing, it was safe to assume that either the apocalypse was coming, or Fang was sick. Very, very, very sick. However he smirked. A lot. It was absolutely infuriating. He nodded at me. Nodded. Not even a "hey" or a "yo" or even a "Oh my god, Iggy's trying to light Gazzy's farts on fire while cooking flambe!" Ok, the last one _is _a bit far-fetched but it happened once…I'll spare you the details. Anyway, behind Fang was Nudge, the little chatterbox, Angel, and Ella, my half-sister. Let me tell you something. Angel may be named Angel, but she is a freaking demonic child.

"What does demonic mean, Max?" she asked me. What a coincidence she would ask me that right as I was thinking it, right? WRONG! Angel is a mind reader. Creepy six-year-old child. Of course, this presented a bit of a problem, especially when Angel delved in the perverted ocean that was Iggy's mind. For example, last week we were at the beach. Yes, I said beach. We don't go to the beach much, because if we did people would see our wings, but we were visiting my mom, Dr. Valencia Martinez, and my dad, Jeb, who knew about a small beach only a few people knew existed. And by a few, I mean about 200. I, awesome as I am, was helping Angel build a sand castle while keeping an eye on Gazzy and Nudge playing in the sand and watching Fang's sexy abs out of the corner of my eye. God, I hope Angel didn't hear that. Anyway, Fang was describing what the girls on the beach looked like. And they were rating them. Sexist pigs.

Suddenly, Angel looked up and asked me, "What's second base?"

Shocked, I replied, "Ya know. The second base…in baseball."

"So, Iggy wants to play baseball with that girl over there?" Angel questioned, pointing to a girl in the tiniest polka dotted bikini I had ever seen.

"Uh, yeah," I answered. "Hey, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go…talk to Iggy."

So, as you can see, Iggy is a perverted, hormonal, teenage boy who's not very good at censoring his thoughts.

My train of thought was suddenly interrupted by my traitorous, no-good, rotten, cheating, sister. What, you ask, did she do to deserve this title? The worst thing ever, of course! She said five words that ruined my life.

"Let's have a slumber party!"

**This is my first multichapter story! w00t! So, please review. If you review, you'll get a kiss from Fang…or Iggy…your pick!**

**Fang: No.**

**Iggy: Ooh, yeah baby! Gimme some sugar.**

**Clementine: Iggy? **

**Iggy: Yeah?**

**Clementine: No. Just no. **

**Iggy: *Sticks out tongue***


	2. Fnicking Chicken

**Whooooa. Two chappies up all in one day. Within one day too! Pretty impressive. Holy crudge, I use too many sentence fragments. Eh, whatever. By the way, if you flame now I will probably agree with you because I don't like this story. Whatever.**

**Disclaimer: We hold these truths to be self-evident that I don't own Maximum Ride.**

"Um, try no," I said. A slumber party with Ella and Nudge meant Nudge, Ella, and Angel, and me all squished into Ella's room, which, though the second biggest room in the house, was still tiny.

"Please?" Ella and Nudge begged.

"No. If I wanted to squish too much person in to too little space, I would've stayed in a cage at the school."

"OMFC!" Ella yelled, "I just had the best idea! We could sleep on the beach! Then we wouldn't be squished!"

"Well, I don't think mom-" I began, but was interrupted by Iggy.

"OMFC?"

"Oh my fnicking chicken," Ella replied in a "duh" tone.

"Well excuuuuse me," Iggy said.

"Well, Max? Can we? Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please?" I turned my back. I wasn't going down without a fight. Nudge begged harder. "?"

"Max, it would be so much fun!" Ella cried!

"Please, max?" Angel pleaded?

Stupidly I turned to face…a ninja holding a knife. Just kidding! It was even _worse. _Nudge, Angel, and Ella were giving me Bambi eyes.

"Ok, ok, fine." I groaned, defeated. You know how I said I wasn't going down without a fight? Well, they cheated.

"YAAAAY!" they all cheered together. Any dreams I'd had for my ear…down the drain.

"Can we sleep on the beach?" Ella asked.

"OMFC! That'd be so cool. We should totally do that. We could watch the stars and gossip, and paint nails, and give makeovers, and talk, and OMG this will be so much fun!"

"Well, ok," I said. I figured, I already gave in to the "slumber party" and I'd rather sleep on the beach then squish into Ella's room.

"Yay!" Nudge, Ella, and Angel ran up to "pack". In girl talk, this translates roughly to "Grab a large-but-still-fashionable-purse; throw in magazines with pictures of Taylor Lautner or Taylor Swift or Lord and Taylor's or whatever Taylor it was; nail polish; and makeup. These things translate in "flock talk" to things-to-torture-max with. Iggy was laughing, and Fang was smirking. I could feel his smirk. Why were they laughing at my pain? I was gonna die, and they were laughing. Way to be supportive.

_It's not that bad, _Angel said in my brain. _Come on, at least attempt to have fun. _There was silence for while. Gasp. Silence in my brain. How shocking. Then, _Oh, and you should dresses/skirts/other super cute clothes to your list. _

Ugh. This was going to be torture.

**What do you think? Wait, wait! Don't tell me! Write it in a review! Genius idea, no?**


	3. Our wonderful day note sarcasm

**Hey guys****! ****So, I have a story to tell you before I get to the disclaimer. My best friend, Blue was in English today, and her boyfriend (to be), David, wasn't talking. I mean, he never talks, but he especially wasn't talking today. But we're not in the same class. So, I'm at her house now, typing this up. And she comes up to me and says, in this totally lovesick voice, "David was being Fang today! He was being a 'man of few words!' Then, she looks confused and goes, "Wait. I'm going totally crazy! What's happening to me?" And I look at her and I go, "You are crazy, my friend. In love." I mean, if she can't have Fang, why not take the next best thing, eh? ;) And, yes, blue is real. And yes, this actually happened.**

**Disclaimer: **

**Blue: I deny that story! All lies! Don't you dare put that on fanfiction!**

**Clementine: Psh. Everyone knows you're in love with David. 3**

**Blue: Yeah? Well, you don't own Maximum Ride. So ha! :P**

**Clementine: Poop on your face.**

The beach. It was so beautiful! The sand was a clean, pure white. The ocean was a clear somewhat shocking teal. Where we were planning on sleeping was like a mini-paradise. I'm serious. It was shaded by palm trees and the sand was soft as silk. Although, personally, I don't think silk is that soft. I think satin is ten times softer. Moving on that way -. It was awestruck at the beauty, and I, Maximum ride, is _never_ awestruck at beauty. I normally didn't have time too. Besides! I had a pissed facade to keep up! Stubbornly, I scowled and slumped to the ground, leaning on a tree.

"Don't be that way, Max!" Ella said. "We'll have fun! We always do!"

_We always_ do? What we is she talking about? What always? This is our first slumber party ever! Moron.

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! Let's play truth or dare!" Nudge squealed. "I'll go first. I love going first! It makes me feel special! Angel, truth or dare? If you pick truth it won't be fair though, cuz you can read our minds to see if we're lying but you can't mmph!"

My hand over her mouth cut her off. After all, knowing Angel, she most likely could "mmph", whatever that is.

"Truth," Angel said sweetly. What kind of questions can you ask an eight-year-old?

"Do you like Jacob?" Jacob and Mira Cosac were twins with whom Angel often played at the beach.

Angel nodded. "He's my friend," she announced, "of course I like my friends. Don't you like all your friends?" Sweet, innocent Angel. My baby.

_Aww, Max, you're like my mommy, _Angel said in my head. Normally, I would tell her to get out of my head, but, really, if you had the heart to tell her that after what she'd said, you must be a soul-less vampire, the director, or, like, Chris Brown or something.

"Max," Angel said, "truth or dare?" Suddenly, I got the feeling that Angel wasn't quite so sweet. I picked dare anyway, though, because I need to be brave in front of my flock, even if it was just a simple game of T or D.

"I dare you to make out with Fang next time you see him." _Ok,_ I thought, _that's not so ba- _WAIT, WHAT?

Nudge, Ella (that traitor) and Angel smirked infuriatingly. If that's even a word. Stupid, demonic children. I sighed.

"Alright, this game is over," I said. I should just make everyone go to bed. If they're asleep, they can't bother me. But it was only three o'clock… mother nature hates me.

_Aww, Max, no! Don't make us go to bed now! _Well, if Angel was asking, I couldn't very well say no, can I? Heh Heh. I'm such a pushover.

"Let's go for a walk on the boardwalk!" I stared at Ella. Then I turned around so my wings were in her face.

"Do you see these?" I asked.

"Yeeees," she replies slowly, as if _I _was the one who had gone crazy.

"Well, I don't want anyone else to! So, we're staying here."

"Can't you just where your windbreaker?"

"It's, like, 5 billion degrees out."

"It's 92."

"Whatever. It's still too hot to wear a windbreaker. People will thing I'm crazy."

"You _are_ crazy. You have _wings._

"Well, I don't want _other people_ to know that. That's what this whole argument is even about!"

"Pleeeeeease?"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Bananas!"

"What?"

"NO!"

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes, wait, what? NO!"

"Too late, you already said yes! Haha, let's go!"

I groaned as my sister disappeared with Nudge and Angel, grabbed my windbreaker, and turned to follow.

"Why me?" I mumbled to myself. When I caught up with them, they were standing on the boardwalk, grinning like idiots. Oh, wait, they're not _like_ idiots, they _are_ idiots. Hmph.

"I want ice cream!"

"Let's get a boogie board and go boogie boarding!"

"Ooh, hermit crabs!"

"I want strawberry!"

"But it has to have a shark."

"Look, aren't they cute."

"Or maybe I'll get a milkshake.

"No wait, that panda one is adorable! It's just so cute!"

"Actually, no, the frogs are much cuter. I want one of those!"

"OK, EVERBODY, SHUT UP!" I screamed. I got a lot of strange looks, but at least my troop stopped talking. "Ok, Angel, we'll get ice cream." I turned to Ella. "Fine, we can get a boogie board." I wanted a boogie board too, but I really wanted to deprive Ella of the thing she wanted, so I said, "But I get to pick it out." She pouted, but didn't complain. Shocking. Then I looked at Nudge, "I'm sorry Nudge, but we can't get a hermit crab-" She opened her mouth, and I continued, cutting her off, "or a frog." She closed her mouth. Will wonders never cease! Guess not. But it didn't last long. Damn.

"But _Max!_ Ella and Angel got what they wanted, so how come I don't? I mean, it's totally unfair. Mine's probably not even the most expensive, well maybe it is, but we still have the Max Ride card, right? Max, please?"

"Ella and Angel didn't want _living creatures_." I groaned. "And the Max Ride card is going to run out sometimes, so we better save our money for an emergency, hmm?"

She "hmphed" and turned away from. I sighed.

"C'mon guys. Let's get ice cream." We ran over to a boardwalk ice cream stand. Well, Angel and Nudge ran. Ella and I walked behind them and looked cool…ish. Not really. Ahem. It had call kinds of crazy flavors, like butter corn, motor oil, and there was even one called "Better than Sex." Um. No comment.

Angel, true to her word, stuck with a strawberry milkshake. Nudge picked out chocolate and vanilla swirl. Really, here we have broccoli ice cream, and they pick boring flavors like _vanilla? _What is my flock coming to? So Ella, being adventurous, did, in fact, pick better than sex. And I walked along calmly licking my sardine ice cream? What? Don't look at me like that! It's relaxing! So, anyway, we were walking and we came upon _hell. _Did you know hell takes the form of a swimsuit shop?

Despite my protests, Ella and Nudge bought me a swimsuit, because I hadn't brought one. Now what, you might ask, is so bad about that? Well, I'll tell you. It wasn't any swimsuit. Nooooo, heaven forbid. It was bikini. With _strings._ It was AWFUL! Ella and Nudge though I looked "sexy" and "hot". Excuse me, but when did "slutty" become "sexy"? No idea. But Angel gave me Bambi eyes. So now I own a slutty bikini with strings. Joy.

_Oh, Max, Don't be that way. It's not so slutty. It's hot. You're right there's a difference. _

How does angel even know what slutty means?

_Your brain, Max. _

Oh. Right. Well then. So anyway, we went back to the beach, and we decided to go for a swim. I wanted to go for a swim, but I did NOT want to wear that stupid bikini. So I tried to convince them not to.

"But it's already 7!" I told them. Yes, we spent four hours on the boardwalk. Blame Ella. And Nudge.

"So?" Nudge asked.

"Don't you want dinner?"

"I'll tell you what," Ella suggested. "We'll swim for an hour. Then we'll go to the boardwalk and eat dinner at, like, a burger king or something. Then we'll go to sleep. K?"

"Fine," I grumbled.

So we swam for half an hour. Ella was sunbathing by the water, and as revenge for earlier, I picked her up and through her in the water. Then I dived in after, and I was so busy laughing I didn't notice a huge wave come up behind me, and I totally wiped out. Karma's a friggin' bitch. After swimming for about an hour, we went to burger king. I won't describe what we did there because we did what any normal people did: WE ATE! And hearing about it would probably bore.

Then, there we were laying under the stars, laughing and talking. Slowly, one by one, we drifted off to sleep. I was last, but finally I did get to sleep. Only to be awakened 3 hours later by something big and heavy falling on top of me. I shot straight up and gasped.

"FANG!"

**Right, so cliffy! Not really. But anyway, the story at the top did happen. And all those flavors are real, even better than sex, which I did not eat, by the way, but my friend TBJ the Lychee wanted me to. Read and Review! It's so mean when you guys put this story on alert but don't review. *tear***


	4. Glaring

**Hey guys! I have returned! But I have legit excuse for not being here. I know, I**

**know, you're all probably like, "Excuses, excuses!" No, but really. My stupid**

**computer stopped working, and when I tried to open Microsoft Word, it would**

**close. Then my family computer wouldnʼt even turn on! So, apple turns out to not**

**be that great. Screw you, Steve Jobs! Anyway, letʼs just post the darn story, shall**

**we?**

**Disclaimer:**

**Clementine: I donʼt own Maximum Ride. But I own MAX! Wait, no I donʼt. I just**

**borrowed from my friend, and she probably wants it back. Oh well.**

**Iggy: Itʼs not like she ever gives anything back.**

**Clementine: True, true. Anyway...**

I stared at Fang for about three seconds. Then I threw a handful of sand. He

sputtered and gasped, sending me a look that clearly said, "What the hell was that for?"

Iggy and Gazzy emerged, climbing out of the tree that Fang had fallen out of.

"What are you doing here?" I asked glaring at them with my death glare that

warned them their lives were in serious jeopardy.

"Who are you guys? Edward?" Ella screeched.

"Who now?" Iggy asked.

"OMFC! You donʼt know who Edward is?" Nudge screamed. "Heʼs only the

hottest, beautifullest-"

" ʻbeautifullestʼ isnʼt a word, Nudge." I put in dryly. Nudge only glared at me with my death glare. My glare! The nerve! Oh, Iʼve taught them well. Too well.

"We still donʼt know who Edward is." Fang stated.

"Edward is a creepy stalker vampire who stalks his ʻone true loveʼ while she

sleeps. Hey! Does that make Max your one true love?" Snickers from Iggy and Nudge.

Jerks.

But I got my revenge. "Why, Iggy! You were watching us too! Does that make _Ella your_ ʻone true loveʼ?"

Ella glared at me. Wow, weʼve been doing a lot of glaring tonight. This canʼt be

good for our faces. But suddenly, she smirked, and I got very scared that might just

possibly have been the wrong thing to say.

"Max," she said innocently. But I know my ﬂock, and I know my sister. And they

are not innocent. She had something up her sleeve. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "I

seem to remember," she continues, "a certain dare you have to complete." My eyes

widened.

"Ella..." I started.

"You have to! You have to!" she chanted. Nudge and Angel began to pick up the

refrain. Gazzy, Iggy, and Fang looked around, confused, but then began chanting too.

Wait, Fang was chanting? Ohhh, he did not know what was coming, poor boy. He was

in for it now. I smirked and walked over to him.

Putting my arms around his neck and pushing my nose close to his, I murmured,

"Are you sure?" Then I closed the distance.

At ﬁrst my brain blocked everything and all I could think was

OhmigoshohmigoshohmigoshIʼmkissingFangheʼssuchagreatkisserandheʼssooosexytooo

oohmigoshhislipsaresowarmheʼʼssooo

ohotohmigoshiʼmgonnakillElla- wait. green and purple striped alpacas? What the hell?

And then suddenly: "AWWWWWWWWWWW" Guess who? If you guess the

green and purple striped alpacas, you are wrong and you probably need to get your

head checked. No. It was Nudge, Ella, Angel, Iggy, and Gazzy being obnoxious.

"Oh Max! I love you so much! Please, never leave me, never ever!" Fang cried

loudly! Wait. Fang? Saying so much at one time? And such romantically dramatic

words? Not fang. Over my dead body.

"GAZZY!" Fang and I screamed at the same time. There was an awkward

silence. Then Fang and I exchanged glances and started laughing. Well, I laughed.

Fang smirked. Wait. Wait one motherfudging minute. Hold the fnicking chicken phone.

Fang wasnʼt smirking. He was smiling a real, dazzling, sun-smothering smile. I almost

gasped at how bright it was. Fang grabbed my hand, and I fell asleep that way, leaning

on Fangʼs shoulder with the rest of my ﬂock laying around me.

**I didnʼt like that one. It wasnʼt as funny as I hoped it was, and it was waaaay too short. But my inspiration left me. Meh. Hopefully the next one will be better.**

**Iggy: No, it probably wonʼt be.**

**Clementine: It will if I write it during French class...**


	5. Big Chicken

**The more reviews I have, the more I write! I hate to keep people writing. So here is my beautiful next chapter. And no, I did not write it during French class. And I have no inspiration, so if it sucks we can all blame Iggy!**

**Iggy: What? Why?**

**Clementine: Cuz it's fun torturing you. You react better than Fang. **

**Iggy: Fang doesn't react!**

**Clementine: Exactly. **

**Iggy: Well, I can get on your nerves too. **

**Clementine: Doubt it. **

**Iggy: Yeah? Well, you don't own Maximum Ride! So ha!**

**Clementine: Bastard.**

So a few weeks after our fail slumber party on the beach, Gazzy came running down absolutely _insisting _on a family game night. I, just for your information, was all for it, as long as we didn't play truth or dare. Ha! Bet I shocked you there. Well really, I have nothing against doing things as a family flock, I just didn't want to play games where I can be embarassed. Would you?

The entire flock was gathered in the living, and Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel were arguing between two games.

"I wanna play 'Make 'n Break!" Gazzy shouted.

"Well, _I _wanna play twister" Nudge argued. "Just imagine Fang playing that!"

Fang sent her a funny, and I nearly busted a gut laughing.

"Let's play Taboo!" Angel said.

"Make 'n Break!"

"Twister!"

"Taboo!"

"make. n'. BREAK!"

"TWISTER!"

"nooo! TABOO!"

"ENOUGH!" I yelled. Geez, can't my flock ever decide on something? "We'll put it to a vote. Alright, if you want to play Taboo, raise your hands." Angel's hand shot up immediately, with mine not far behind it. Twister was just plain embarrassing_, _and like I said, I have a thing against embarrassing games, and Make 'n Break with the flock just got plain messy. To my surprise, Fang's hand joined mine, but when I thought about, Nudge was right about Fang playing Twister, and he'd been the one stuck cleaning all the broken glass the last time we played Make 'n Break. Don't look so surprised. I told you this game got rough. "Hands for Twister." Only Nudge raised her. She looked around, defeated. I rolled my eyes. Of course, only Pyro and Mini-Pyro want to play Make 'n Break. "Hey Pyro and Mini-Pyro. No way are we playing Make 'n Break. So Taboo it is."

Taboo turned out to be hilarious. Basically, you have two teams. One person tries to give the rest of his or her team clues so they can guess a word on a card. The only catch is on the card is a list of words you can't use to help your team, and they're words that are usually associated with the word you are trying to get your team to guess. Someone from the other team looks over your shoulder to make sure you don't use any of the words. The teams were Gazzt, me, and Iggy Vs. Fang, Angel, and Nudge. We made Angel swear on my mom's delicious, chocolaty, melting-in-your-mouth, best cookies in the world. Mmm. Those cookies are just so good. But I digress. We made her swear on the cookies that she wouldn't read anyone's mind. It turns out I suck at giving clues and Gazzy is amazing at guessing.

I was the first to give clues with Fang looking over my shoulder. I got the word turkey. How hard can be? Much harder than you'd think, that's how hard. I couldn't use the words "gobble", "Thanksgiving", "stuffing", "drumstick", or "bird." I had no idea how to communicate this to Gazzy and Iggy, so I flailed my arms and said, "big chicken! BIG CHICKEN! It's like a...a...big chicken!" Nobody knew what I meant and everybody was laughing so hard as the timer ran out that we had to take a five minute laughing break as Gazzy rolled on the floor, Iggy laughed at my inability to give any useful clues at all, Angel and Nudge gloated at the fact that during our entire three minute run, we had not scored one point, and Fang, well Fang didn't exactly laugh at me. More like smirked at me.

"Max!" Iggy cried, "I laugh in your general direction!"

"Shut up."

"Max!" Nudge said, "you did not win-"

"One point-" Angel continued

"That entire-"

"THREE MINUTES!" they shouted together.

"Shut up."

"Max! Big chicken," Gazzy laughed, flailing his arms, "Big chicken, Max!"

"Shut. UP!

"Would you like some...big chicken...for dinner tonight?" Fang contributed.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I screamed. My flock stared at me in silence like I was a crazy person. Well, I guess I looked like one, standing on a chair with my face red, my eyes bugging out, and my hair wild and all over the place.

Then, all together, as though they had practiced, the yelled, "BIG CHICKEN MAX!"

Ugh. FML.

**So how was that? That was pretty good for something I pulled out of my ass. By the way, the big chicken thing did happen to me. I was trying to get my brother to say "turkey." He was an amazing guesser, but even didn't get "big chicken".**

**Iggy: Oh, man. That was hilarious. We were all laughing, even Clementine.**

**Clementine: Yeah. Oh geez. That was hilarious. The more reviews I have, the more I write! I hate to keep people writing. So here is my beautiful next chapter. And no, I did not write it during French class. And I have no inspiration, so if it sucks we can all blame Iggy!**

**Iggy: What? Why?**

**Clementine: Cuz it's fun torturing you. You react better than Fang. **

**Iggy: Fang doesn't react!**

**Clementine: Exactly. **

**Iggy: Well, I can get on your nerves too. **

**Clementine: Doubt it. **

**Iggy: Yeah? Well, you don't own Maximum Ride! So ha!**

**Clementine: Bastard.**

So a few weeks after our fail slumber party on the beach, Gazzy came running down absolutely _insisting _on a family game night. I, just for your information, was all for it, as long as we didn't play truth or dare. Ha! Bet I shocked you there. Well really, I have nothing against doing things as a family flock, I just didn't want to play games where I can be embarassed. Would you?

The entire flock was gathered in the living, and Gazzy, Nudge, and Angel were arguing between two games.

"I wanna play 'Make 'n Break!" Gazzy shouted.

"Well, _I _wanna play twister" Nudge argued. "Just imagine Fang playing that!"

Fang sent her a funny, and I nearly busted a gut laughing.

"Let's play Taboo!" Angel said.

"Make 'n Break!"

"Twister!"

"Taboo!"

"make. n'. BREAK!"

"TWISTER!"

"nooo! TABOO!"

"ENOUGH!" I yelled. Geez, can't my flock ever decide on something? "We'll put it to a vote. Alright, if you want to play Taboo, raise your hands." Angel's hand shot up immediately, with mine not far behind it. Twister was just plain embarrassing_, _and like I said, I have a thing against embarrassing games, and Make 'n Break with the flock just got plain messy. To my surprise, Fang's hand joined mine, but when I thought about, Nudge was right about Fang playing Twister, and he'd been the one stuck cleaning all the broken glass the last time we played Make 'n Break. Don't look so surprised. I told you this game got rough. "Hands for Twister." Only Nudge raised her. She looked around, defeated. I rolled my eyes. Of course, only Pyro and Mini-Pyro want to play Make 'n Break. "Hey Pyro and Mini-Pyro. No way are we playing Make 'n Break. So Taboo it is."

Taboo turned out to be hilarious. Basically, you have two teams. One person tries to give the rest of his or her team clues so they can guess a word on a card. The only catch is on the card is a list of words you can't use to help your team, and they're words that are usually associated with the word you are trying to get your team to guess. Someone from the other team looks over your shoulder to make sure you don't use any of the words. The teams were Gazzt, me, and Iggy Vs. Fang, Angel, and Nudge. We made Angel swear on my mom's delicious, chocolaty, melting-in-your-mouth, best cookies in the world. Mmm. Those cookies are just so good. But I digress. We made her swear on the cookies that she wouldn't read anyone's mind. It turns out I suck at giving clues and Gazzy is amazing at guessing.

I was the first to give clues with Fang looking over my shoulder. I got the word turkey. How hard can be? Much harder than you'd think, that's how hard. I couldn't use the words "gobble", "Thanksgiving", "stuffing", "drumstick", or "bird." I had no idea how to communicate this to Gazzy and Iggy, so I flailed my arms and said, "big chicken! BIG CHICKEN! It's like a...a...big chicken!" Nobody knew what I meant and everybody was laughing so hard as the timer ran out that we had to take a five minute laughing break as Gazzy rolled on the floor, Iggy laughed at my inability to give any useful clues at all, Angel and Nudge gloated at the fact that during our entire three minute run, we had not scored one point, and Fang, well Fang didn't exactly laugh at me. More like smirked at me.

"Max!" Iggy cried, "I laugh in your general direction!"

"Shut up."

"Max!" Nudge said, "you did not win-"

"One point-" Angel continued

"That entire-"

"THREE MINUTES!" they shouted together.

"Shut up."

"Max! Big chicken," Gazzy laughed, flailing his arms, "Big chicken, Max!"

"Shut. UP!

"Would you like some...big chicken...for dinner tonight?" Fang contributed.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" I screamed. My flock stared at me in silence like I was a crazy person. Well, I guess I looked like one, standing on a chair with my face red, my eyes bugging out, and my hair wild and all over the place.

Then, all together, as though they had practiced, the yelled, "BIG CHICKEN MAX!"

Ugh. FML.

**So how was that? That was pretty good for something I pulled out of my ass. By the way, the big chicken thing did happen to me. I was trying to get my brother to say "turkey." He was an amazing guesser, but even didn't get "big chicken".**

**Iggy: Oh, man. That was hilarious. We were all laughing, even Clementine.**

**Clementine: Yeah. Oh geez. That was hilarious.**


	6. Not Pregnant

**Hey guys. I am back! My computer broke because my mom dropped it and then my brother spilled milk in it. So I had to get a new one, and I just now downloaded Microsoft onto it. But now I am back! Hooray! **

**Disclaimer:**

**Gazzy: *in my voice* I don't own Maximum ride.**

**Clementine: Gazzy! Now people are going to think I don't believe I own Maximum ride!**

**Gazzy: Well, you don't!**

**Clementine: Yeah I do!**

**Gazzy: *to audience* She's crazy**

**Clementine: Am not!**

**Gazzy: Okay, roll the chapter!**

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS! YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS. SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS…"

"Iggy!" I screamed. "Shut the hell up!"

"But Maxie! I'm making your favorite! Big-chicken!"

"Okay, number one," I said exasperated, "Shut up about the fnicking chicken big chicken!" What can I say? Ella has rubbed off on me. "Number two. What does your cooking of _turkey_ have to do with your obnoxious singing?"

"Well, I figured it would let me off the hook."

I growled menacingly.

"Somebody's time the month, hmm?" Ella said walking in. "Hey Iggy."

"I'll get the pickles and ice cream!" Iggy chimed.

"Iggy! That's for pregnancy!" I chided.

"Exactly," Iggy said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Who knows where Fang is when the rest of us are asleep?"

"IGGY!" I screeched.

"What's up?" Fang asked, walking into the kitchen. I gasped.

"Fang! I think that's the most I've ever heard you speak in one sentence!"

"Joy." Fang said, completely void of emotion.

"Emo soulless demon of doom…" I muttered trailing off.

"That time of month?" Fang asked.

"IT IS NOT MY FRICKING TIME OF MONTH! WILL EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THAT!" I blushed, realizing I had gotten the attention of everyone in the room, and Angel and Nudge, who were all the way upstairs.

"Umm…" Ella said. "I think I'm just gonna…go…upstairs…and...and…clean my…purple and green striped alpaca! Yeah! I'm gonna go clean my alpaca!"

"Oh yeah! I need to clean my _alpaca_ too! So does Angel. Right Angel. You totally need to clean your _alapca_, right Angel? C'mon, let's go clean our _alpacas _together," Nudge popped in, talking so rapidly I could barely understand her.

"Alpaca?" Angel asked. "Oh, yeah, I do need to clean my alpaca! Bye, Max!" The three of them tore upstairs before I even knew what was going on. Why the heck do they need to clean their alpacas right now? Wait a minute. What the fnick? Green and purple striped alpacas? They don't have alpacas!

"Now, you wait one minute!" I yelled, but I was ignored. "Alpacas," I muttered, shaking my head. Oh geez.

"Well, Maxie," Iggy said brightly, "you'd better get out of the kitchen. You might ruin the big chicken."

"IGGY! MY NAME IS NOT MAXIE! YOU ARE _NOT_ ALLOWED TO CALL ME MAXIE! AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A BIG CHICKEN. IT'S A FNICKING _TURKEY."_

"You better lay down, Maxie. Oh, by the way, have you felt the baby kick yet?"

"You know what, Iggy? I'm done. Bye." I stormed out of the kitchen. "AND I AM _NOT_ PREGNANT YOU DUMBASS!"

Sometimes I really hate my flock.


	7. Tightsboy

Let's go to the mall, they said. It will be fun, they said. Let me tell you something. Going to the mall can _never_ be fun. It will crush your soul! Ruin your spirit! Destroy your insides!** * **Why? Well, you see, Angel's birthday is coming up soon. Nudge and Ella, being the great big "sisters" they are, wanted to throw her surprise party. Now, I am totally down with that. The party they wanted to plan was a princess party, because Angel is in that stage. I'm cool with that too. They wanted to invite some of her little friends. That is completely neato potato with me. They wanted someone to play the part of the princess and someone to play the part of the prince. That was slightly suspicious, but that was pretty much kay, too. They wanted Fang and I to be the prince and princess respectively. Not the other way around. That would just be awkward. Now _this, this _is _**NOT OKAY!**_

I do not want to be a princess! And I don't want Fang to be my prince. Well, maybe a _little_. _Just_ a smidge. A nanobit.

"A nanobit for a giant." Nudge said, smirking.

"And that would be with your whole being," Ella grinned. "And you know what? Iggy will be a Jester."

Not oka-WAIT! IGGY IS GONNA BE A JESTER! HE'S GONNA HAVE TO WEAR TIGHTS! AND A HAT WITH BELLS! BELLS THAT JINGLE!

"Iggy…In tights…with colored squares…and a HAT! A HAT WITH BELLS! !"

"Umm, are you alright, Max?" Ella asked, backing away slowly.

"Nope," I said grinning, "You're making me wear a princess dress. But if Iggy has to wear tights, that's okay."

"Tights?" Iggy said, walking into the room. "I'm not wearing tights!"

"Haha," I laughed maniacally, "yes you are."

"Well, of course, who wouldn't wanna see me in _tights_", he said, winking.

"Ew, Iggy! You're disgusting!" Nudge, Ella, and I all smacked him at the same time.

"Ow!" He cried. "All right, all right! I surrender!"

"Good," Ella grinned evilly. "Now to get Fang."

"Why am I doing this?" Iggy groaned to himself."

"Eh, tightsboy, you think you have it bad? I have to wear a dress!"

"I have to wear _tights_."

"Point taken," I said.

Iggy smirked triumphantly.

"Tightsboy," I added, just for good measure.

"Shut up."

Ella and Nudge ran back in with Fang, grinning triumphantly. Fang looked incredibly defeated. Suddenly he smirked.

"Oh, hey tightsboy."

"WILL EVERYONE PLEASE STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

I stared at him. Suddenly I smirked and looked at Ella.

Using our twin telepathy (even though we're not actually twins) Ella said, "Gee, Iggy! PMS, much?"

I smirked. "I'll get the pickles and ice cream!"

Iggy glared at me. "You've just been waiting to say that, haven't you?"

"Have I ever!"

"C'mon!" Nudge whined. "Let's go! Or else Angel will get back before we're done and then she'll wanna know where we are and she'll find out where we are and then it will be ruined and all of our hard work will be for nothing! That would be awful. And then Iggy will have to wear tights for nothing! And-"

"If you don't shut up, we'll never get anywhere." Iggy said, earning a glare from Nudge.

We jumped off the porch and were soaring. Within minutes, we landed in an abandoned lot near the mall and walked back into civilization.

"ATEEEEEN-HUT!" Ella cried. We all turned and saluted her.

"Aye, aye, sir!" We said together, sarcasm dripping from each word. She glared

Ah, here we go! Glaring a lot again!

"Anyway, here's the plan. First, we'll go to the prom dress store thingy and get Max's dress. Mom thinks it's great that we're doing this for Angel, so she gave me her card, and we're to spend as much as we want. I think it's actually a present from Jeb. After we find Max's dress, we'll go to that costume store. What's it called? Creepy Costume Cache? Eerie Ensemble Emporium? Something like that. There we'll get Iggy's-" she giggled, "tights, and Fang's royal robes." She shook her. "Ugh, those alliterations are getting to me. Anyway, away we go!"

Whoever owned the prom dress store must have been completely OCD because the dresses were organized from shortest to longest and in colors.

"Well, that makes it really easy," Nudge said happily.

"It does?" I asked "Why?"

"Because you can't wear one of these short ones," Nudge said, gesturing. "Princesses never wore anything like that. Even showing the ankles was considered extremely rude."

"Well that's a relief," I muttered.

"Well, the long ones are in the very back," Fang said.

"Let's see," Ella muttered, seemingly talking to herself, "Max has brown hair…so blue's out, as is yellow and orange…well, pink seems like the best choice anyway. It was either pink or purple, and pink is Angel's favorite."

"Hoorah. Sound the trumpets." I deadpanned.

I will spare the tortuous details of trying on every single blasted long pink dress in the whole damn store, and a crown, which Nudge absolutely _insisted _was _not _a _crown_ but a _tiara_, and matching shoes. On the other hand, maybe I should tell you since you're obviously enjoying my pain. Nah, I'm too nice. But we finally find the perfect one. It covered everything but my feet and it was hot pink. Along one side were tiny rhinestones and thought the dress was solid, the arms were flimsy and gaudy. It was a nice dress, but totally not my style. Needless to say, I hated it. Also needless to say, Ella and Nudge loved. And so did Fang and Iggy, but I think that was just to torture me. So we bought the dress. And it cost a fnicking fortune. I mean, really! Who pays $550 for a dress. FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS! Ridiculous! But now that that was over, then came the fun part! Fang and Iggy. Now I can torture them!

Heh. Heh. Heh.

I sound deranged.

Ella opened up her map of the mall. I didn't even know they _had _mall maps. Mall maps. Huh. We made our way over to the costume store, which turned out to be called Freakish Fashion Fountain. Well, Ella had the alliteration down at least. Ella and Nudge ran all the way there, stopping only to yell things such as "C'mon Iggy!", "Fang, hurry up!", and "Max! Why the _hell_ are you grinning like that?" Oops. I must have been grinning evilly again. Fang and Iggy saw my face and visibly blanched. I grinned again. When we _finally_ arrived at the store, it took us fifteen minutes to drag Iggy and Fang inside, earning us a few strange looks from some people. I grinned evilly them. It took us about five seconds to find Iggy's costume. It was all wrapped up nicely in a plastic container with a picture on the outside. It looked like your stereotypical jester, with a diamond one piece jumper things that was tight, with made it look like "body tights" or something, and a matching hat with four flopping points with a bell on each one. Iggy glowered as Nudge exclaimed how perfect it was and Ella giggled and said it was absolutely perfect and how the guy modeling it on the outside looked sort of like Iggy.

"There is _no_ way I am wearing _that._"

"Now, Tightsboy, that would be so mean!" I said.

"Just imagine," Ella continues dramatically, "how _upset_ Angel would be?"

"Poor girl! She'd just cry and cry and cry and her birthday would be ruined!" Nudge said, adding to the mood."

Even Fang added is bit. "Max and I are doing it for Angel. Why can't you?"

So Iggy was forced to give in. Then we began the search of finding Fang's costume. This was a bit harder because there were several options and according to Ella we had to find the one that "compliments his skin tone" and "makes him look the most princely that he possibly could." Eventually, however, we found the perfect one. It was white, much to Fang's displeasure, and he looked at it as if were disgusting slime or something, though slime isn't so disgusting to us anymore after dumpster diving for several years. Well, anyway, the costume was white with gold buttons and tassels with a gold crown with emeralds in it to match. It also came with brown leather boots.

"No." Fang said.

"No?" Ella asked, feigning innocence.

"But _Fang!_" Iggy said, in a way that made me think what he was going to do was going to leave Fang in a very precarious situation. "Max and I are doing it for _Angel!_ Why can't _you?" _That's Iggy for you! Using Fang's own words against him.

"Fine," Fang muttered, sounding resigned.

"Come now, Fang," Nudge said chidingly. "It's not _thaaaat_ bad."

"Yeah," I put put in smirking. "Iggy has to wear _tights_," I said helpfully.

Iggy sent me a baleful look. I just grinned evilly. Finally Ella and Nudge got their got costumes. They were going to be my matching lady-in-waitings. Their costumes were fancy, but nowhere near as elegant as mine.

After a long, hard, tedious, annoying, boring, irksome, laborious, dreary, soporific, lifeless, insipid day, I could finally go home. FINALLY! FREEEEEDDDOOOOOM!

But not for long. Because when I got home, I got a shock that nearly gave me heart attack.

**And we have a cliffy. **

**Iggy: No way would I **_**ever**_** wear tights. **

**Clementine: Oh, I think you would. *mutters* If I could just convince James Patterson to lend me the series. Just for a day**

**James P.: NO! FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, NO! NO! NO!**

**Clementine: Geez, so uptight. Destroy one priceless manuscript and cause the book to come out half a year later and they won't even let you borrow the serious. People!**


	8. Kate Middleton

**Oh. My. God. I am soo sorry all of you guys who wanted to know what was going to happen. I totally forgot that I ended this chapter on a cliffhanger, and then it was summer, and I didn't have a computer, etc, etc, etc. But now it's the school year, so hopefully I'll be able to update more often. **

**Iggy: *mumbles* about time**

**Clementine: Excuse me**

**Iggy: Nothing, nothing. Carry on.**

**Clementine: I own nothing**

_When I got home, I got a shock that nearly gave me a heart attack_

Kate Middleton was standing in our house. You know, the one who married Prince William? Yeah, well she was standing IN OUR FNICKING HOUSE! Just calmly playing barbies with Angel.

"ANGEL!" This might have been the first time I had ever freaked out at Angel this much. "YOU CAN'T JUST MIND CONTROL THE PRINCESS OF ENGLAND! OR WHATEVER SHE IS!"

"I wanted to see a real princess!"

A real princess. The girl felt the need to bring a real live princess into our house. I nearly passed out, and I don't pass out. I vaguely heard Iggy laughing behind me.

"Karma for the tightsboy thing," he muttered. I reached behind me and punched him in the face.

"Ouch."

"Angel. Make the princess go back to England. Make her forget she ever saw you. Do your mind control thing."

"But Max!" Angel said absolutely innocently. "You told me not to do that anymore!"

Ugh. Little children are such a pain in the as – butt.

"That's mean, Max." I took a deep breath in. "Angel. Send her back."

Angel sighed. "Okay, Max." She turned to the princess. "Okay, Katie. I think it's time for you to go home now. But you won't remember you were hear, ok?"

"Of course, sweetie." Princess Kate replied. And then she just go up and walked out of our house.

For once, Nudge was silent. Then she started blathering again. "OMG PRINCESS KATE WAS IN OUR HOUSE OMG OMG OMG A REAL LIVE PRINCESS IN OUR HOUSE OMG THAT WAS THE COOLEST OMG OMG OMG ANGEL THAT WAS SO COOL OMG ANGEL I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID OMG I MUST HAVE LOOKED SO UGLY IN FRONT OF HER MY HAIR IS A MESS AND SHE MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY WEIRDO I DIDN'T EVEN CURTSY OMG OMG OMG!" She started hyperventilating.

"Calm down," I said. "She won't even remember."

"BUT THE PRINCESS WAS IN OUR HOUSE!" Oh no. Now Ella was starting. "THAT WAS AWESOME! FNICKING AWESOME! OHHHH, ANGEL, SHE PLAYED WITH YOU! YOU ARE A LUCKY LITTLE GIRL!"

"She is one fine bitch." Iggy said.

"Iggy, language!" I cried. "Have you all lost your minds?" I turned to Fang helplessly. He just smirked. Well, what a big help, Fang. He is gonna make a terrible father of my kids someday…WAIT WHAT? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Ooh, I hope Angel didn't hear that. I glanced at her.

_Omg, Max, you admitted it to yourself! I'm so proud of you! We will talk about this later. _

Ugh. My life is over.


	9. Angel's Party and the Charm Bracelet

**Like I said, sorry for being gone so long, so as an apology, I'm going to give you two chapters at once! **

**Fang: Oh, yes, what a wonderful apology.**

**Clementine: *****GASP* you…you insulted my writing. *bursts into tears***

**Nudge: Way to go, Fang. *comforts* Clementine.**

So the dreaded, but also long-awaited day was finally here. Angel's birthday party. Ooh, I shudder and laugh to think about it. Angel was out shopping with my mom, and we had just finished setting up. We decorated the living room like a throne room. We decorated the fancy living room chair for Angel's throne, and we had cleared everything else out of the room. Leading up the chair was a long red carpet. There were plastic gold dangly things hanging from the ceiling, and the long dining room covered with a table cloth was perfect. One it sat a three-layer cake, some chips, some soda, some candy, etc. The room looked perfect if I do say so myself.

Now, the reason I was shuddering and laughing was because I was upstairs. In my princess dress. And crown. And high-fnicking-heel shoes. That's obviously why I was shuddering. But I was laughing because Iggy (aka tightsboy) was, well, wearing tights. As I'm sure you remember. And Fang was wearing…it's hard to describe, but basically, if you know what Prince Charming was wearing in the Cinderella movie? (Yes, I have seen that movie. I live with Angel, Nudge, and Ella. Don't judge me.) Well, anyway, Fang looked like a black-haired prince charming. And he looked HOT. Thank god Angel wasn't here to hear that. And Nudge and Ella were wearing matching dresses to be my ladies-in-waiting. And all of Angels little friends were hiding downstairs.

Suddenly one of Angels little friends, Mikayla? Mariah? I don't even know her name, and I don't even care. Anyway Mikayla calls up "She's coming! She's coming!" And we waited. Well, when Mom opened the door, all of Angels friends jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE!"

And get this. Angel, the little mind-reader mind you, was actually SURPRISED!

"Awwwww!" She cried. "You guys are so sweet!"

"That's our cue," I whispered.

"Ugh," Iggy said. But good sport that he his, he went down there doing his little kick-dance thingy saying things like "hahahahahaha" and generall just being funny. Angel started laughing. Well Whoop-di-doo for her. She better enjoy my dressing up as a princess. Music started playing, and I walked down the stairs on Fang's arm with my "ladies-in-waiting" giggling beside me.

You heard me. I was on Fang's arm. It was Ella's idea. Another reason why I would be super pissed at her. Well, at least it had the desired effect. Angel started scream giggling, as was Iggy. Awkward.

Fang bowed, and I curtsied.

"Hello little lady," Fang said, his voice all deep and sexy. WAIT NO I TAKE THAT BACK! You know what? I give up. Fang's voice was sexy as all get out.

Angel scream giggled again.

We led Angel to her throne where she sat proudly with a tiara on her head. Well, after that, everyone generally did party things, with us costumed-folk being good hosts, serving dainty tea-cakes and things. They ate, and then it was almost time for the party to be over. Finally. But before they left, of course we must open presents. Joy.

There were six friends, and we were going to give our presents later. The friends were Jacob, Mira…MIRA! THAT WAS HER NAME! Anyway. Jacob, Mira, Lilah, Georgie, Dana, and Jack. Jacob and Mira, who were twins, gave her a beautiful doll. Like, I don't normally appreciate dolls, but this doll was gorgeous. And then I realized the doll was supposed to be Angel. And she was wearing a pink princess dress and tiara. Mira and Jacob must be fnicking rich.

"OMG!" Angel squealed. "I love it! It's me!" She threw her arms around their necks. That was definitely the best present of the night. Lilah gave her a fake diamond necklace with face diamond earrings and a fake diamond bracelet. It sparkled just like real diamonds. Angel put them on right away and hugged Lilah. Georgie gave her a pink shirt that said "Gorgeous Girl." Angel put it on over her other shirt and huggied Georgie.

"It's perfect!" She said. "I love it!" Dana gave her a purple fuzzy notebook with a purple fuzzy pen to match, and angel grinned and hugged her too. Really, what is it with this girl and hugging people?

"It's awesome! Thank you soooooo much!"

Jack was the last person to give Angel a gift. He gave her a charm bracelet. But there were only two charms: A pair of wings and a bird." Angel looked shocked for a minute, before smiling angelically, hugging him, and saying "Thank you so much! I love it!"

And then I couldn't take it. I turned and fled into the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time before emptying my guts into the toilet. All I could think was _He knows. _


	10. ItsKingsleyBitch

**Hey guys! So, I know those last two chapters weren't as funny, so I'm gonna try another chapter and hopefully this will be funnier. **

**Disclaimer:**

**Iggy: Funnier? That means I get to be in it right?**

**Clementine: What? Max and Fang can't be funny?**

**Iggy: Max? Fang? Funny? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Clementine: Well maybe if I owned the series they would be**

**Iggy: HAHAHAHAAH but…you…HAHAHA…don't. HAHAHAH**

**Clementine: Oh, and I don't own Kingsley either, and if you're reading this, go look up Kingsley because he his hilarious and most of the hilarity in this chapter will be coming from him.**

**A/N: There's a lot of cursing in this, so if you're offended by cursing, don't read it! And if you do read it, don't flame me all "omg you cursed!1!1! **

**Really? I hadn't noticed. Plus I warned you. Consider yourself warned.**

Er, so it turns out, my little episode was quite unnecessary. It turns out that Jack had put the wing charm because Angel's name was, well, Angel, and she had told him she loved birds. Just goes to show how uptight I am, huh? Oh, well. False alarm.

So, anyway, I was once again minding my own business in the living room when I hear laughter coming from upstairs. Now, obviously I had to be in on this, because, really, I'm the flock leader, and I had to know what my flock was up to. That was the only reason. I totally did not want to know what was so funny or be in on the laughter. Honestly. That's as ridiculous as green and purple striped llamas. Heh. Heh. Well, I went upstairs and saw Iggy sitting at a computer chair, clutching his stomach, laughing. Gazzy was rolling on the floor. On the computer screen was a paused youtube page with an African-American guy wearing a ski hat.

"What's this?"

I got no response, probably due to Iggy and Gazzy's uncontrollable laughter.

"Hello?"

More laughter.

"TELL ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASSES FROM HERE TO ALASKA!"

Ha. That got they're attention.

"It's this guy on youtube," Iggy said. "His name is Kingsley. He's hilarious.

"Here, watch one, " Gazzy chimed in.

"Show her the one about Call Me Maybe."

"I hate that song though! It's so annoyinng!" I said.

"Then you'll like this one."

Gazzy found the right one and clicked on it.

"Bewarned," Iggy said. "He swears a lot."

An introduction started playing. It just sounded like a jumble of words to me, and the words "ItsKingsleyBitch" popped on the screen. Then, the African-American dude in the ski hat started talking.

_Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen coming in at number ten. _

He had a weird fake southern accent.

_The first time I heard of this song was when Justin Beiber, Selena Gomez, Ashley Tisdale, and some other celebrites made this video lip-synching to it. Then before I knew it, Carly Rae Jepsen was on, like, Ellen Degeneres and performing her song everywhere, and it's all over the radio and on itunes, and I'm starting to actually listen to it, and I was like "What the fuck?" _

He suddenly had a dirty-blond wig on, and he started singing.

_I threw a wish in the well. Don't ask me; I'll never tell. I looked to you as it fell, and now you're in my way! _

_What the fuck is she talking about because I thought you were supposed to throw, like, coins into a well and make a wish, not throwing the actual fucking wish down the well. That's why the bitch isn't calling you. 'Cause you don't know what the fuck you're doing!_

I started laughing hysterically. I know, I know. He's a bad influence on Gazzy, etc, etc, etc. But he was hilarious! I couldn't help it! Then he started singing with the wig again.

_I'd trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss. I wasn't looking for this, but now you're in my way! _

_Why would you trade your soul for a wish that you're gonna throw down the fucking well anyway, and what the fuck kind of kiss are you hoping to get with pennies and dimes, bitch?_

Now we were all laughing, even Iggy and Gazzy who'd seen it before. Kingsley, that was his name, was laughing too. Then he started singing again.

_You're stare was holding, ripped jeans skin was showing, hot night wind was blowing. Where do you think you're going, baby? _

_So, I'm getting this image of some sexy-ass dude in ripped jeans who's staring at her; however, she's telling him not to go anywhere, so obviously he's staring at her while he's walking backwards. That's normal. Like, are you sure you want this n**** number?_

"Now listen, you two. Don't ever say that word okay?"

"Okay, Max." They chorused. But Iggy had an evil look on his face that scared me. Then Kingsley was singing again.

_You took your time with the call; I took no time with the fall. You gave me nothing at all, but still you're in my way! _

_This is starting to get into Grenade territory as far as stupidity goes. _

Huh. I guess he doesn't like "Grenade."

_You apparently have all the other boys trying to chase you _

He broke in to song again.

_And all the other boys try to chase me _

_but you sitting up here all frantic about this dude who's not even in a rush to fucking call you. He took your damn number and was like "I will call this bitch when I feel like it". He saved your number in his 'no-fucks-given' folder. He sent your number to Joseph Kony. _

Ooh, harsh.

_What about all the other boys, Carly? What about all the other boys trying to chase you, Carly? You don't think any of those guys would call you back? Fuck you. Fuck you, Carly. You don't have to call me back. Because I'm gay. _

Then he started doing this weird laughing thing where he was all like "Yay-hey! Yay-hey!" And then one time in this weird slow-mo thing. "YAAAAAY-HEEEEEY" It was funny. And now I know he's gay. I'm finding out so much about this guy! Including that is fnicking hilarious. Ooh, he's singing again!

_Before you came into my life I missed you so bad. I missed you so bad. I missed you so – _

_If I was dating somebody and they says some corny-ass shit like that to me I'd be like "Bitch. Get out of my life. What kind of Miss Cleo, That's so Raven, Final Destination, Dark Lord prophetic shit is that? That you miss somebody before you even knew who the fuck they were? If you don't get on somewhere…" _

Hahahahahahahahahaha. I couldn't stop laughing. More singing! And still with that wig!

_Hey I just met you. And This is crazy! But here's my number. So call me maybe. _

Then Kingsley was just like "NO." Then a blue word, "Kingsley", popped on to the screen, and I thought it was over, but then there was actually more.

_So I was thinking, what if a ghetto-ass bitch sang call me maybe? _

He started singing again, but this time he was wearing a red wig and Sponge-bob winter hat. I guess he was supposed to be, like, Rihanna or something.

_Hey n****, Hey n****, Hey n*****, Hey n***** we just met at the club. I wanna give you my number why don't you hit me up? _

He crossed his arms and made the most ridiculous face.

_Young money. _

Then the blue "Kingsley" popped up on the screen again, and the video was over.

"OMFC, that was hilarious! Fang and Ella and Nudge absolutely have to watch. But not Angel, because I've all the swearing."

"He has, like, 167 videos," Iggy said.

I smiled. We all know what I'm going to be all night.

**Ahh, I love Kingsley.**

**Iggy: Me too! **

**Gazzy: Me three!**

**Max: I still think you shouldn't watch it, Gazzy. But me four!**

**Iggy: See? Even you succumb to the hilarity. ****turns to *Clementine* But Clementine! It wasn't me being funny! It was Kingsley! I want a chapter that shows my true hilarity! **

**Clemetine: Get over it. **


	11. Sex Bracelets

**Hello, my dearies, I'm back! Didja miss me? Moving on, happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I'm on break, and hopefully you all get some days off too. I just want to take a minute to brag for a second because yesterday, I realized my boyfriend is like a combination of Fang and Iggy! Annnnnd…I'm just gonna roll the story now.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Clementine: Well, Iggy, you get your wish. This chapter will be filled with Iggy hilarity and pervertedness.**

**Iggy: Me? Perverted? **

**Clementine: *Mad laughter* Oh, psh, nooo, you're not perverted at all.**

**Iggy: I'm as perverted as much as you own the chapter.**

**Clementine: YAY! I OWN THE CHAPTER THEN!**

**Iggy: Sorry to burst your bubble, but no.**

**Clementine: Darn.**

"MAX! FANG! IGGY! NUDGE! ANGEL! GAZZY! GET YOUR ASSES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Yes, my beloved readers. This is what I awoke to at 3 in the afternoon on this lovely Saturday afternoon. Really, Ella? Could you not respect that I'm still sleeping? It is, after all, only 3.

Don't look at me like that! I am not being unreasonable. I groaned and got up, running a hand through my tangled mess of hair. It was like a bird's nest. How fitting. The bird kid with the bird's nest hair.

I was the last to get downstairs.

"Finally!" Ella cried. "Sleeping beauty awakens!"

"Without my prince charming," I muttered.

Fang smirked. "Sorry, darlin', guess you had to do it all by yourself."

I glared at him. "So, Ella, what is so important that you had to disturb my slumber?"

"I got us all sex bracelets!"

I shook my head, trying to make sure I'd heard correctly. "Excuse me, but did you just say _sex bracelets? _Angel's seven!"

"Details, details."

"What is a sex bracelet, anyway?" Gazzy asked.

"Okay, so each color has a different meaning. You have to wear the bracelet all the time, and if you break it, you have to do what's meaning was. This black one is having sex, so whoever gets this one, if they break it, has to have sex with someone. I would suggest not breaking it."

"No way, I am not wearing that. Excuse me, but we fly, if we were stuff on our wrists it will fall off, or get got on a tree and break."

"Too bad," Ella said. "It's a gift. You must accept." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Or I'll tell everyone about your dream…"

My eyes widened. "No, I'll wear it! But one condition. Angel is not allowed to have one."

Ella shrugged. "Fair enough. Okay, so there's black, having sex; blue, giving a blowjob; red, lapdance; purple, butt sex; silver, fisting; and white, flashing. Gazzy, you can have the red one, Nudge gets the white one, I'll take the blue, Iggy, you can have the purple one, Fang, you get the black one, obviously, and max, that leaves you the silver one."

So, If I break my bracelet, someone has to fist me. Alrighty then.

"Sweet!" Iggy said. He nudged me. "Hey Max," he said in a "seductive" tone. "You can break _my _bracelet.

Fang growled slighty. Oh, man, that was really hot. Wait, shoot, I did not mean to think that.

_Ooh, Maxy thinks Fangy is hot! Should I tell him to do it again? _She winked at me.

_Angel, what have we said about reading minds?_

_ Sorry, but that was reaaaalllllyyyy loud. _

I sighed. Okay, moving on. "Well, if we're done here, I'm going back to bed.

"I'll come with you," Fang said.

"Is that a metaphor, Fangles dearest? Don't be breaking any bracelets up there!" Iggy winked.

Fang smirked. "Jealous I'll get some before you?"

"Ugh!" I groaned, throwing my hands up. Fang grinned and kissed my forhead. I relaxed into his arms and let him steer me to my room.

"Goodnight Max," He said. He started to walk out, then he turned around and winked. "Let me know if you need that bracelet broken."

Perverted pig.

**Iggy: Yay that had me!**

**Clementine: Yup **

**Iggy: And I have a sex bracelet!**

**Clementine: yup**

**Iggy: I wonder who the lucky girl will be**

**Clementine: Rebecca Black**

**Iggy: *Shudders***


End file.
